Anjanas dilemma - Short story - Fiction
Loud thundering woke me up. It was a rainy Sunday and it had rained cats and dogs the previous night too, just like it had on the day we got married. The sky was overcast and there was a weird dullness all around me. Chetan was fast asleep as we had had a party at our home with a few close friends to celebrate the eve of our 15th anniversary. He who is not much of a drinker, drank more than he could handle. He was clearly happy and enjoying himself. The kids had been packed off to granny's home. I checked the time on my phone...it was 3. 45 a.m. My eyes fell on his calm sleeping face and suddenly as if the entire 15 years of our journey together flashed in front of my eyes.
15 years....yes it had been 15 years since we were man and wife. Not an easy journey, but then who said life was easy. Our marriage had its own share of ups and downs. The seven year itch as they say, wanting to walk out on this relationship, run away to an unkown place etc. etc...
I come from a simple middle class family. Most of my family members were in government jobs, including both my parents. My mother quit her job when I was in the 10th standard to support me in my studies for the board exams. Me being the only child, I was and still am my parents pride, the apple of their eyes and the only girl child on my paternal side. My parents gave me a very humble upbringing and post my graduation I too joined Bank of India, as a Junior Financial Consultant just like my father. My job was my top most priority then. Hardwork and dedication helped me reach great heights in my career. My father retired from his post the same year I got married to Chetan.
Chetan belonged to a very affluent family of builders, with their business spread all over India. Ours was an arranged marriage. Chetans mother had first seen me at my cousins wedding and immediately inquired from people around her about me. Soon things fell in place and we were married. Overnight, from Anju for my parents, I became Mrs. Anjana Chetan Kapoor. Although the family business was jointly owned by Chetans father and his uncles, it was a tradition of sorts for his family to gift the newly wedded couple an apartment of their own in the same vicinity as the other members of the family. There were no restrictions on my continuing work.
Suddenly the wind blew wildly. The wind chimes were tinkling loudly, banging the glass windows. My thoughts were disturbed and I was back in the now. My home, my room, my husband, our marriage and our 2 beautiful girls....all in these 15 years. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now. It was 4.30 a.m. It was still raining quite heavily. I could see the bright light because of the lightning now and again through the glass windows. My thoughts wavered back to the time when I was still working with the bank.
Chetan had a busy social life. He would either attend or throw a party almost every second night. He would travel a lot too. I accompanied him whenever possible, but eventually that wasn't really working out for me. The whole partying and travelling so much was taking a toll on my health as well my job. Chetan and me were spending less and less time together. I would often come back to an empty home and this was killing some part inside of me everyday. From being the centre of attention in my own family before marriage, always coming to a house full of people, suddenly I did not have anyone to talk to in my own home.
I immersed myself completely in work. Chetan was out of home for nearly 15 days in a month. Our 3rd anniversary was due in a months time. In all this turmoil going on within me, I realised that I was pregnant with our first child. Chetan was overjoyed and I didn't know what I was feeling. With him not being around, how was I going to manage? I was left with care takers and house helps for company in this huge house. I would often call my parents to come and stay with me. Soon I gave birth to our first child, our beautiful daughter, who we named Riya.
Days turned into months and months in years....and within 7 years of our marriage I was a mother of 2 girls. My second daughter, Disha, is exactly like Chetan and Riya is more like me. I had left my job by the time Disha was 2 years old. Mother was always there to help me, but now age was catching up with her. I couldn't put my responsibilities on my parents any more. Also leaving my girls with maids or aayaas was something that always bothered me. My in laws were not at all involved in my life. This is how they were..non interfering..but that made me wonder were they non emotional too. This is exactly how Chetan had been brought up. Yes he loves me and my children, but somehow only his love was not enough for me. Emotionally, he was unavailable always. I busied myself in taking care of my daughters. My life revolved around theirs now.
By now, the family business had extended to foreign lands too. Chetan was travelling even more now. We joined him when the girls were younger. But with the growing demands of school and studies that too eventually lessened. Riya and Disha are closest to me than anyone else. The only people other than me who the girls see often are my parents. Chetans family meets only on special occasions. I could never figure out why a family that has more of everything, money fame, social circle...lacked so much in showing their feelings or emotions or love. I had tried in my initial years of marriage to create a rapport with my in laws similar to what I had in my own family, but gave up when I understood that this is not how my new family functions.
In all these years, I had tried talking to Chetan many a times about what I felt, what I was going through. The loneliness I felt. But he was not built to understand this. He had seen his father doing the same things all his life. He would always try to console me saying that this was very important for the future of our children. He had plans to retire early for which he was working so hard. I had everything, all the luxuries life could offer, but I didn't have him by my side when I needed him the most. My father was always there for us and my parents were and still are pillars of support for each other. Since I was brought up in an atmosphere so different from Chetans, I couldn't mentally adjust to this life for the longest time. I'm not sure if I still have. I often wondered if Chetan could understand the sadness in my eyes or what I was thinking or feeling. He tried to compensate for his absence by showering gifts on us all the time.
Loud thundering and more heavy rains....I was shaken up from my thoughts again. It was 6 a.m. Still very dark. Wind chimes were still tinkling loudly. Chetan was oblivious of the loud thundering outside just as he had been all these years of what was going on inside my heart and mind. I glanced at his face again. I took a notepad and a pen from the side drawer and left the room to make a cup of tea.
After 15 years together, what were the answers that I was looking for. I had everything in my life. I am Anjana Kapoor, wife of Chetan Kapoor, mother of Riya and Disha...I am someones daughter, someones daughter in law...so why do I still feel a void. I had no restrictions whatsoever. Nor was there a problem of lost identity. Then what was it that I was yearning for?
Chetan made sure he provided us with the best in life..vacations to different parts of the world, best of the schools for our daughters...he never compromised for anything less than the best. But was it that I wanted? I never shared these feelings with anyone. On several occasions I was told by my near and dear ones how lucky I was. I felt no one would understand that I wanted more from life. Not materialistically but emotionally. Do I love Chetan or are we living together because of our daughters or simply because we are used to having each other in our lives. I was looking out of the kitchen window and it was an unusually dark morning or so I thought. There was loud thundering every few minutes. My thoughts were in a dilemma of their own. From then to now.....I could feel my head becoming heavy with many thoughts circling together in it.
A small note for non-vegetarians: Try this spice mix for dry chicken or fish..its a change from the usual tikka flavour.
15 years....yes it had been 15 years since we were man and wife. Not an easy journey, but then who said life was easy. Our marriage had its own share of ups and downs. The seven year itch as they say, wanting to walk out on this relationship, run away to an unkown place etc. etc...
I come from a simple middle class family. Most of my family members were in government jobs, including both my parents. My mother quit her job when I was in the 10th standard to support me in my studies for the board exams. Me being the only child, I was and still am my parents pride, the apple of their eyes and the only girl child on my paternal side. My parents gave me a very humble upbringing and post my graduation I too joined Bank of India, as a Junior Financial Consultant just like my father. My job was my top most priority then. Hardwork and dedication helped me reach great heights in my career. My father retired from his post the same year I got married to Chetan.
Chetan belonged to a very affluent family of builders, with their business spread all over India. Ours was an arranged marriage. Chetans mother had first seen me at my cousins wedding and immediately inquired from people around her about me. Soon things fell in place and we were married. Overnight, from Anju for my parents, I became Mrs. Anjana Chetan Kapoor. Although the family business was jointly owned by Chetans father and his uncles, it was a tradition of sorts for his family to gift the newly wedded couple an apartment of their own in the same vicinity as the other members of the family. There were no restrictions on my continuing work.
Suddenly the wind blew wildly. The wind chimes were tinkling loudly, banging the glass windows. My thoughts were disturbed and I was back in the now. My home, my room, my husband, our marriage and our 2 beautiful girls....all in these 15 years. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now. It was 4.30 a.m. It was still raining quite heavily. I could see the bright light because of the lightning now and again through the glass windows. My thoughts wavered back to the time when I was still working with the bank.
Chetan had a busy social life. He would either attend or throw a party almost every second night. He would travel a lot too. I accompanied him whenever possible, but eventually that wasn't really working out for me. The whole partying and travelling so much was taking a toll on my health as well my job. Chetan and me were spending less and less time together. I would often come back to an empty home and this was killing some part inside of me everyday. From being the centre of attention in my own family before marriage, always coming to a house full of people, suddenly I did not have anyone to talk to in my own home.
I immersed myself completely in work. Chetan was out of home for nearly 15 days in a month. Our 3rd anniversary was due in a months time. In all this turmoil going on within me, I realised that I was pregnant with our first child. Chetan was overjoyed and I didn't know what I was feeling. With him not being around, how was I going to manage? I was left with care takers and house helps for company in this huge house. I would often call my parents to come and stay with me. Soon I gave birth to our first child, our beautiful daughter, who we named Riya.
Days turned into months and months in years....and within 7 years of our marriage I was a mother of 2 girls. My second daughter, Disha, is exactly like Chetan and Riya is more like me. I had left my job by the time Disha was 2 years old. Mother was always there to help me, but now age was catching up with her. I couldn't put my responsibilities on my parents any more. Also leaving my girls with maids or aayaas was something that always bothered me. My in laws were not at all involved in my life. This is how they were..non interfering..but that made me wonder were they non emotional too. This is exactly how Chetan had been brought up. Yes he loves me and my children, but somehow only his love was not enough for me. Emotionally, he was unavailable always. I busied myself in taking care of my daughters. My life revolved around theirs now.
By now, the family business had extended to foreign lands too. Chetan was travelling even more now. We joined him when the girls were younger. But with the growing demands of school and studies that too eventually lessened. Riya and Disha are closest to me than anyone else. The only people other than me who the girls see often are my parents. Chetans family meets only on special occasions. I could never figure out why a family that has more of everything, money fame, social circle...lacked so much in showing their feelings or emotions or love. I had tried in my initial years of marriage to create a rapport with my in laws similar to what I had in my own family, but gave up when I understood that this is not how my new family functions.
In all these years, I had tried talking to Chetan many a times about what I felt, what I was going through. The loneliness I felt. But he was not built to understand this. He had seen his father doing the same things all his life. He would always try to console me saying that this was very important for the future of our children. He had plans to retire early for which he was working so hard. I had everything, all the luxuries life could offer, but I didn't have him by my side when I needed him the most. My father was always there for us and my parents were and still are pillars of support for each other. Since I was brought up in an atmosphere so different from Chetans, I couldn't mentally adjust to this life for the longest time. I'm not sure if I still have. I often wondered if Chetan could understand the sadness in my eyes or what I was thinking or feeling. He tried to compensate for his absence by showering gifts on us all the time.
Loud thundering and more heavy rains....I was shaken up from my thoughts again. It was 6 a.m. Still very dark. Wind chimes were still tinkling loudly. Chetan was oblivious of the loud thundering outside just as he had been all these years of what was going on inside my heart and mind. I glanced at his face again. I took a notepad and a pen from the side drawer and left the room to make a cup of tea.
After 15 years together, what were the answers that I was looking for. I had everything in my life. I am Anjana Kapoor, wife of Chetan Kapoor, mother of Riya and Disha...I am someones daughter, someones daughter in law...so why do I still feel a void. I had no restrictions whatsoever. Nor was there a problem of lost identity. Then what was it that I was yearning for?
Chetan made sure he provided us with the best in life..vacations to different parts of the world, best of the schools for our daughters...he never compromised for anything less than the best. But was it that I wanted? I never shared these feelings with anyone. On several occasions I was told by my near and dear ones how lucky I was. I felt no one would understand that I wanted more from life. Not materialistically but emotionally. Do I love Chetan or are we living together because of our daughters or simply because we are used to having each other in our lives. I was looking out of the kitchen window and it was an unusually dark morning or so I thought. There was loud thundering every few minutes. My thoughts were in a dilemma of their own. From then to now.....I could feel my head becoming heavy with many thoughts circling together in it.
"Anjana..Anjana....What are you doing here and whats with the weather today? Dad just called to tell me all flights from Mumbai Airport are cancelled indefinitely." I looked at him and then I looked at the wall clock...it was 8 a.m. already....coincidentally the time we entered this home 15 years back. Our wedding rituals had completed only at 5 in the morning. Chetans friends, after a lot of persuasion had dropped us here. I clearly remember that morning....heavy rains and thundering. It was so dark outside and I had looked at the clock to check the time...
"Anjana....Anju...where are you lost baba? That means I'm not leaving for atleast another week. Wow!! This means I get to spend this whole week with you. Let Riya and Disha stay back at your parents place. I doubt we both can get out of the house in this rain." Yawning, he turned back to go to the bedroom and I sat on the kitchen stool facing the glass window looking at the rain and the trees swaying in the garden with my cup of tea... "Hey Anju..Happy Anniversary baby!" He startled me. He then leaned and kissed me. I stood up and he hugged me really tight. "I know I haven't been around most of the time Anjana. I've missed you and our girls immensely. I don't really know how to make up for this lost time but without your support I wouldn't have been able to take our business so far. I love you." What just happened? I asked myself. I had not recovered from this shock yet when I heard him saying on his way back to the bedroom.."Make some nice bhindi aloo sabzi for lunch today. I guess I'll wake up by then. And ya, please can you cook today...haven't had food made by you in months."
I turned around and picked up the note pad lying on the table. Relieved that Chetan had not seen it, I quickly tore the page I had written a note for Chetan on, to bits.
Dear Chetan,
I am at my mothers home. Don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. Give me sometime to sort out this confusion in my head.
Anjana
Well....what do you think of this story?
Do you think Anjana was never able to understand Chetan just because of their different upbringing?
He loved her but she couldnt see it?
Would it make a difference if Chetan had been more communicative and understanding of Anjanas feelings?
What if the end was somewhat like this...
Chetan enters the dining room. The table is set with all of Chetans favourite food. Yes, even the bhindi aloo...exactly the way he likes it. He calls out to Anjana...but there is no sign of her anywhere. He checks all the dishes...amazing aroma of food had filled the air. He sat on the chair and turned his plate. He starts reading the note Anjana had left there;
OR
Chetan entered the dining room. The table was set with all of his favourite food. Yes, even the bhindi aloo...exactly the way he likes it. He looked at me in a way I had never seen or felt before. Or was he always like this and I never realised.
'Why are relationships so confusing?' Ending this story on this thought but not before leaving you with Anjanas recipe that is Chetans favorite.
Bharwan (stuffed) Bhindi Aloo Karela
(Okra, Potato and Bitter Gourd)
Bhindi Aloo Karela...stuffed with spices..this is one version of what we call 'sambhariya'
You can use other veggies like capsicum and round gourd or tinde too...I've used my 3 favourites.
Please note important preps:
I turned around and picked up the note pad lying on the table. Relieved that Chetan had not seen it, I quickly tore the page I had written a note for Chetan on, to bits.
Dear Chetan,
I am at my mothers home. Don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. Give me sometime to sort out this confusion in my head.
Anjana
Well....what do you think of this story?
Do you think Anjana was never able to understand Chetan just because of their different upbringing?
He loved her but she couldnt see it?
Would it make a difference if Chetan had been more communicative and understanding of Anjanas feelings?
What if the end was somewhat like this...
Chetan enters the dining room. The table is set with all of Chetans favourite food. Yes, even the bhindi aloo...exactly the way he likes it. He calls out to Anjana...but there is no sign of her anywhere. He checks all the dishes...amazing aroma of food had filled the air. He sat on the chair and turned his plate. He starts reading the note Anjana had left there;
OR
Chetan entered the dining room. The table was set with all of his favourite food. Yes, even the bhindi aloo...exactly the way he likes it. He looked at me in a way I had never seen or felt before. Or was he always like this and I never realised.
'Why are relationships so confusing?' Ending this story on this thought but not before leaving you with Anjanas recipe that is Chetans favorite.
Bharwan (stuffed) Bhindi Aloo Karela
(Okra, Potato and Bitter Gourd)
Bhindi Aloo Karela...stuffed with spices..this is one version of what we call 'sambhariya'
You can use other veggies like capsicum and round gourd or tinde too...I've used my 3 favourites.
Please note important preps:
- Slit the karelas and rub little salt in it. Let it rest for a couple of hours or overnight in the fridge. Wash them well before stuffing.
- Spices used: red chilli/haldi/amchoor/dhaniya jeera powder/hing/salt and oil. Mix these well. (All measurements of spices should be as per your taste. People who are not fond of the taste of hing can either avoid it or put very little. I never omit hing as for me that is the main ingredient that gives it a unique flavour)
- Make deep cuts in potatoes and slit bhindi and karela and stuff each with the masala mix
- I haven't given any ingredient measurements here. All spices will be according to the quantity of vegetables you use.
- Take a wide thick bottomed kadhai and put oil in it.
- First place only aloo and karela and cover n cook. Keep checking and tossing to make sure it does not burn or stick to the kadhai.
- Once 3/4th cooked, add bhindi.
- Again cover n cook for sometime. Bhindi will be soft and aloo n karela cooked completely.
- Then keep on low flame for a couple of more mins without the lid on so that the moisture of bhindi evaporates and it crisps a bit.
Bharwan sabzi is done..Happy Reading & Cooking 
A small note for non-vegetarians: Try this spice mix for dry chicken or fish..its a change from the usual tikka flavour.
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